Usher In The Future That We Imagine Tomorrow…

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I had the honor and the privilege to attend a lecture by Sister (Dr.) Angela Davis earlier tonight with my husband and several of our Donda’s House, Inc. students. I want to share some of the thoughts that resonated with me:

– There is a difference between addressing individuals who commit racist acts vs. addressing structural racism. Emotionalism often causes us to attack the individuals and as Dr. Davis said, it easily reproduces itself…

– We would not have free public education, if it weren’t for slaves…

– Harriet Tubman is a great example of a selfless individual who “ushered in the future that we inhabit today.” Dr. Davis wants us to imagine a world without any guns and without any racism…  Harriet Tubman was referenced as an example of someone who put the needs of the community above her own needs. “We have a hard time imagining anything outside ourselves.

– Mass Incarceration is fueled by racism and the globalization of capital which is fueled by profit and not people’s needs.

– We can’t just address one part of violence or racism and expect it all to go away.

– “Unity + struggle + organization = victory”

My three she roes: Harriet Tubman

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Mrs. Marian Wright Edelman:

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Ella Baker:

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Send Lauryn Hill Some Mail in Jail

I’m a huge fan of Lauryn Hill, and have been since I heard her sing as a High School Student.

It was Lauryn Hill who gave me the courage to rock my natural hair at the tender age of 17…

It was Lauryn Hill whose album title forced me to go read Dr. Carton G. Woodson’s The Miseducation of the Negro 

It was Lauryn Hill who spoke the language of my innocent and unwavering teenage love with lyrics like… “I get mad when you walk away / so I tell you leave when I mean stay…” and “These buildings could drift out to sea / some natural catastrophe / still there’s no place I’d rather be….”

I’ll go to my grave saying “And while you imitating Al Capone, I’ll be Nina Simone / and defecating on your microphone” is the best line in rap EVER.

But the point of this post is to let you know that Lauryn Hill is currently incarcerated for the next 3 months due to tax evasion. This hit close to home not only because I’m a fan, but because my mother was incarcerated when I was little girl . Lauryn Hill has six children – the youngest is 1 years old and the oldest is 16 and incarceration is difficult for any family.

One thing that is really important to those who are incarcerated is mail, so let’s overwhelm our sister with our love, our words of encouragement and our prayers. You can send mail here:

Lauryn Hill #64600-050
FCI Danbury
Federal Correction Institution 
Route 37
Danbury, CT 06811
 
Love Lauryn
 

Please feel free to grab the flyer and repost it on your site/social networking.

 
 

You Can’t Want A Man That Has Everything & You Have Nothing!

Jay Quote

 

My bestie, my hubby and I were having a conversation recently about dating and we all came to the conclusion that a woman has to bring something to the table, she has to be self-sufficient, is she is going to attract a man who has even a little “somethin’ somethin’.”

A woman who has a job, a car, an education, and a hobby is a woman who can stand on her own two feet. She has enough life experience to have good conservation, she’s probably a good problem solver and she doesn’t reek of desperation. Women who don’t have much to bring to the table are either (a) easily manipulated because they are looking to have their basic needs met or (b) easily disposable because a [good] man generally wants to combine what he has with his partner. He doesn’t want to be the only one doing all the work… especially in the beginning of the courtship/relationship. Once he realizes that there isn’t much to gain besides sex, he’s literally on to the next.

When you look at the popular celebrity courtships of the day Jay & Bey, ‘Ye & Kim, even Michelle & Barack… all of these women had their own careers & their own wealth before meeting their men. They also become trusted advisors, business partners and irreplaceable assets because they have something that they can teach their men. They are literally partners, or equals because they weren’t looking for handouts or for sponsors…  We women love our lists & we love our standards, but we also must set the standard ourselves.

 

My Spin on “Why Wasn’t I Good Enough”?


Why Wasn’t I Good Enough
, was a particularly interesting post for me because many women feel that way. For whatever reason when a relationship goes sour women often blame themselves.

When I was single I used to say “God is preparing me for something better and protecting me from something worst.” I only had one situation where I “jumped out of my body” for a man and it was for my first love (read the full story here: http://dearlittlesis.com/2011/06/20/first-love/. That’s another story for another day.

When it comes to relationships, I do feel like women:

(a) Can sometimes be delusional and go against what we KNOW to be true. Stuff that literally pokes us in the eyeball and I’m not talking about a man that can pull a mean Whodini! I’m talking about blantant – broad daylight – flashing lights stuff.

(b) Act more liberal than we really are – ESPECIALLY when it comes to those cloudy love connections (e.g. friends with benefits, long distance relationships, etc.). Then we get angry when we have to face the consequences of our false liberalism.

(c) Blame, blame, blame for the failure of a relationship but rarely take responsibility – (even if the responsibility is simply making a bad choice or having the wrong timing). Male family members and friends are particularly good at pointing this reality out.

(d) Have a sense of entitlement when things fall apart. I’m sorry but some people treat bad (or unhealthy) relationships like peroxide. They want to let it bubble & fester. I’m more of the pour the alcohol on it – let it burn and MOVE ON type.

What was most disturbing for me was that the young lady asked “Why wasn’t I good enough?” Inherent in the question is a fractured sense of self-worth and therein lies the problem. While Slim may not have wanted to admit it – it may have been her insecurity that turned him off and often those who are the most judgmental are the most insecure…

You CANNOT force a man to be with you!!! You CANNOT will a man to be with you. Men are pretty independent creatures and they do whatever they will including commit.

Now this does not let men completely off the hook because men stretch the truth, make false promises and literally make women fall in love with them in order to be intimate. I’ve been told by several men that they quote “will do anything to have sex with a woman” unquote. So my best piece of advice is to pay attention to his actions and not his words.  If he stops calling, he doesn’t want to talk to you. If he moves all of his stuff out of the crib – he doesn’t want to be with you or live with you anymore. While it is easy to say “I love you,” it is an entirely different thing to show it. While it is easy to say “I want to spend the rest of my life with you” it is an entirely different thing to propose, pick a date and walk down the aisle. While it is easy to say “I care about you” It is an entirely different thing for him to always be accessible including day time hours. If he is only available by text or e-mail you should be concerned!

Ultimately a man’s actions LITERALLY speaks more truth than his words…

Just my 22 cents…

Every Man Wants Peace At Home

I was watching a reality show the other day, and a man entered his home. Before he could even get his shoes off his wife started yelling. They went back and forth for a while and finally the man put on his shoes, grabbed his coat and walked out the door. His phone started buzzing, beeping and binging, alternating between text messages and voice calls. It was his wife blowing him up. The camera then showed her at home, pacing the floor, mumbling and cursing under her breath. Rapidly dialing on her phone to unleash her fury at no only the initial problem, but now the physical absence of her life partner.

I looked at my sweetheart. He shook his head. He said, “When will women understand that all a man wants is peace in his home and when there is no peace he won’t be there?” He then talked about past relationships where he was in a similar predicament as that character and the last place he wanted to be was home… It seems like people all around us are suffering from a lack of peace and my husband and I decided that in the beginning, no matter what, our home would be our refuge. Even when we’ve been very angry at each other, we’ll go to separate rooms of the house (like boxers going to our corners). Eventually we come back together when we’ve cooled off. Our home is a place of respect, tranquility, warmth and familiarity.

Last night I was watching an episode of Basketball Wives (don’t ask!). Jennifer Williams and her husband Eric Williams, a former player for the Celtics and other teams, had a huge disagreement that eventually lead to a discussion about divorce. He had been out all night, and wouldn’t answer his phone. When he finally came home, they started talking about how unhappy they were and he told her that she had a choice to either leave or stay, and that “if you ask me to come home, I’ll come home.” While there argument was much more civil (no yelling or cursing) than the other couple, it highlighted similar problems.


No man wants to be with a nagging woman. To nag is to annoy or irritate with persistent fault-finding or continuous urging. How do you curb nagging in your relationship?

  1. Choose Your Battles – You do not have to argue about every single thing that bothers you. Really ask yourself is it worth arguing about?
  2. Timing is Everything – Sometimes guys need some emotional distance before they address an issue. After a long stressful day at work, the last thing you want to do is compile more stress on top of that. This doesn’t mean that your concern will disappear, but you should find a time when the emotional tension isn’t so high to address it.
  3. Sandwich Your Sourness – When criticizing your partner be sure to introduce something positive (e.g. “I love you with all my heart”), put the sour stuff in the middle (e.g. “Sometimes I feel like I’m doing all the housework and I’d really like for you to pitch in) and end with something positive (e.g. “You know, we’ve built an amazing home together, look at how far we’ve come.”)
  4. Be specific! – Be specific about whatever is bother you, and discuss the behavior, not the person. (e.g. It really bothers me when I call you repeatedly and you don’t answer because I feel like I’m being ignored). Rather than (“You’re ALWAYS ignoring me.”)
  5. Know When It’s Time To Let Go – a la, Basketball Wife Jennifer Williams. There is such a thing as an irreconcilable difference! If you can’t communicate, don’t have trust, and one person seems to be the only one concerned with improving the relationship and continues to disregard the other’s feelings and desires, then the relationship is unhealthy and it’s time to go! It’s takes two willing people to make a relationship or a marriage work.

And finally, one for the road. Make sure your moments of happiness, celebration and comfort outweigh your moments of disappointment, frustration and agony. You have to invest time and energy into your relationship and being married or moving in together is not an excuse to abandon the building process. Go on dates, flirt, send sweet texts “just because” and hang out as friends. Peace doesn’t just happen, sometimes you have to sign treaties, engage in a lot of dialogue and compromise and/ or involve outside counsel to make it happen.

 

Huge Announcement…

Soooo…. remember that HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT that I promised you guys last week?

Drum roll please…

I will now be writing for ThisIsTheDream.com! I will have a weekly post over there and my first one was published today. It is called “Dating Malpractice: Is Your Vision Failing You?” Here is an excerpt:

Some of us need to sue our friends, family and “relationship” experts for malpractice. They have prescribed the wrong lens on our vision of what we are entitled to and what we “deserve.” They have told us to make a list of “the perfect man,” have run off perfectly good choices for partners and our heads have been so filled up with compliments that we have literally lost our minds.

When looking at the dating pool, we must be a bit more realistic and open-minded about who we do and do not date… Read the rest here: http://www.thisisthedream.com/2010/12/14/dating-malpractice-is-your-vision-failing-you/

I need you to do two things for me… (1) click on the link & (2) leave a comment. Please? Even if you can’t read it, just click it so that I can at least have your “hit.” Am I that desperate? Yes!!! I am!!!!

*Throws Confetti*

For Colored Girls…

I was introduced to for colored girls who have considered suicide/when the rainbow is enuf by Ntozake Shange in High School by my Writing As Performance teacher. The book left an impression on me.

I was so excited to find out it would be adapted to film and would premiere in January of 2011. Imagine my joy when I found out this week that the movie would premiere on November 5, 2010 and a trailer and several movie posters were released. I wish I could go to the NY or ATL premiere! Someone please tell me how I can buy the posters PRONTO! I want ALL eight. I’ve already planned to make it an evening with my favorite colored girls (shoutout to Kristie & Kandice).  Check out the trailor! A week before the movie is released I plan to share some of my favorite lines from the book (which is actually a choreopoem). Enjoy!

Here are the posters:

What Type of Treatment Are You Inviting?

From @JBeckham7 – You are treated how you act.. Wanna be treated like a lady… Act like one.. #latenighttweet.. Smh

We can all act like clothing and appearance doesn’t matter. In a perfect world – it wouldn’t. But it does, and based on how you dress and speak, people make judgments about you (just like you make judgments about others). You expect attorneys to dress a certain way – usually suited and booted, and teachers aren’t supposed to show cleavage and usually have a collection of cardigans. Every job has a uniform. If you dress like this:

Too tight, super short & revealing… then most people will mistake you at worst for (A) a prostitute or at best (B) low class… (class in my mind has very little to do with income and more about attitude) Add being photographed in any of the outfits above and most people will make negative assumptions about you (no matter how false or wrong those assumptions are). There is a huge difference between tacky and tasteful!

Michelle O. is the epitome of class, style & grace… she often shows her legs and her arms and she’s beautiful but also tasteful. So the next time you step out of the house, don’t get mad if a man treats you how he sees you! As the young man from Twitter says, “if you want to be treated like a lady… act like one!”