Caption: Mr. & Mrs. Smith Suited & Booted – Photo by Juan Anthony Images!
My hubby is on an amazing trip to Colombia right now. While he’s away, I miss him terribly! One of my friends said “it must be so hard for you,” referring to my hubby’s trip. I replied “actually it’s not” and my friend looked confused.
It’s not hard for me, because I understand that we both have a purpose and an assignment to fulfill while on this earth.
Too often, people treat romantic relationships like its the purpose/assignment. While I do believe that God intended for me to be Che’s wife, and Che to be my husband, I don’t believe that is the extent to his purpose and plan for our lives. I believe that our job as spouses, is to hold each other accountable, to support and encourage each other and most of all, to remind each other of what really matters – our life’s work.
I have been in relationships that supersede the life’s purpose and mission and it never felt right. It felt stressful, it felt overbearing and it felt like being trapped. I remember feeling guilty for wanting to study abroad because of fear of leaving a partner alone. I remember feeling silenced, for wanting to do something about an injustice I’d experienced at work. I remember feeling bored, because I knew that I wasn’t living up to my full life’s potential. I take ALL of the credit, because I had made a choice to be in those types of toxic relationships, but eventually I made a decision to leave.
We cannot allow relationships to distract or hinder us from our assignments. The sum of these assignments being our life’s mission.
A marriage can only work, when you invest the time and energy into it to make a healthy! Don’t get it twisted! I like my date nights, my vacations and my undivided attention like the next person… but I also understand how sacred our individual work & time is. If you don’t have individual & solitary time in a relationship, you can set yourself up to lose yourself. In losing yourself, you begin to resent both the other person and yourself. That’s when the relationship becomes toxic, because out of resentment, you start to “act out.” Acting out looks like passive aggression, infidelity, verbal- emotional – or physical- abuse. All of the UGLY things that manifest in toxic relationships.
We have certain assignments that require the both of us, and we have others that require us individually. I’m without a doubt counting down the days until my love returns while simultaneously celebrating the impact that this trip will have on his (which also means “our”) life.