“Everybody deals with adversity different… you seem to just turn the lights off and keep it moving.”
My husband has a front row seat to everything that happens to me… good, bad and ugly, and his observation was interesting.
When it comes to dealing with stress, frustrations and disappointment, we all have our own approach.
My approach in most cases, is to just cut the circuit to whatever is fueling the pain. Sometimes the “shut off” is temporary, sometimes its permanent, but in order to function in most cases I just literally stop the flow of energy. Stopping the flow could mean cutting off communication with the individual. It could mean physically removing myself from the environment. Or it could mean just telling someone that I’m done, or as Big Sean so eloquently put it, “I.D.F.WU.”
I don’t process my feelings very quickly. I usually need time to really think about how I feel, why I feel and what, if anything I need to do to feel better. I also have come across too many people in life who react immediately to feelings and cause further damage or harm. The thing about words is they can’t be taken back. Once they are spoken they are real! That is not to say that you can’t apologize for something that was said, it just can’t change the fact that it was said… even if you only meant it for an hour, a day, a week.
The other quote that I live by is, “you don’t have to attend every argument that you’re invited to.” When people are unhappy, insecure, frustrated, they lash out… often toward the people who have nothing to do with their real issue. The people who are closest to them feel the wrath. In those cases, it is easy to get drawn in to the argument. My approach is generally to ignore such lashing out… especially when I know I haven’t said or done anything to warrant the attack. It may take some time, but eventually, the person or the problem just disappears. Often they find another person or thing to turn their attention to.
I have had some bad things happen to me, and though I’ve literally been knocked down by things, I’m never on the ground very long. My resilience comes from the fact that I’ve had no choice but to be strong. If I stayed laying on the ground, I might not be able to jump up fast enough to catch the next blessing. Sometimes being strong is the only choice you have… What I’m saying is that if something or someone is causing you pain… the best thing you can do is cut the power, until you figure out your next move.