Caption: Image courtesy of BlackLoveandMarriage.com
Girl breaks up with guy. Guy creates distance from the girl. Girl tells her friend, “I gave him everything…” Guy tells friend, “I tried my best.” If girl puts her “love” on the balance beam, and guy does the same with his “love,” the scales don’t balance. What does it mean to give your all?
When you give your all, you have to do so with the an open mind and with knowledge of the possibility that your partner’s “all” may not be returned to you. When a person gives a “tip” at a restaurant, sometimes it doesn’t match the service. Some waiters get more than they deserve, and some waiters get less. The point is, if you’re the server, you have to keep a smile on your face, get the order right and consistently deliver because it’s your job.
Giving your all DOES NOT mean giving up yourself. The moment you feel like you no longer recognize yourself is the moment where resentment is invited into your relationship. This does not mean you shouldn’t grow or improve. Some couples experience major transformations – one person loses a ton of weight or one person gets the opportunity of a lifetime. Giving up yourself means changing the core of who you are – sacrificing your values, being isolated from your friends or family or worse being verbally or physically abused.
Giving your all means sharing your time, energy and space. It may mean that you tell the truth in order to protect the other person. “I love you but I’m not “in love” with you.” A conversation may lead you away from a romantic relationship to the friendship of a lifetime. It may mean that you tell the truth in order to protect yourself – you need support, and you feel like you’re not getting it. You need more time alone with your partner. You need some time to yourself.
A good healthy relationship is both fulfilling and challenging. Fulfilling in a sense that it makes your life better. Your partner should be an asset to your life, not a destructive force. Most of the time, you look forward to spending time with him or her. A good relationship should also be challenging… sometimes you have to grow out of your comfort zone. It’s hard to do that alone, so it’s difficult to do that with another person. Growth doesn’t just happen. It comes with aches and pains. Sometimes it looks like the relationship is going to flatline, but with triage, it comes back to life.
Giving your all means honoring your mutual commitments. It means being available and being present. It means sacrifice and steadiness. So are you really giving it your all?