My Spin on “Why Wasn’t I Good Enough”?


Why Wasn’t I Good Enough
, was a particularly interesting post for me because many women feel that way. For whatever reason when a relationship goes sour women often blame themselves.

When I was single I used to say “God is preparing me for something better and protecting me from something worst.” I only had one situation where I “jumped out of my body” for a man and it was for my first love (read the full story here: http://dearlittlesis.com/2011/06/20/first-love/. That’s another story for another day.

When it comes to relationships, I do feel like women:

(a) Can sometimes be delusional and go against what we KNOW to be true. Stuff that literally pokes us in the eyeball and I’m not talking about a man that can pull a mean Whodini! I’m talking about blantant – broad daylight – flashing lights stuff.

(b) Act more liberal than we really are – ESPECIALLY when it comes to those cloudy love connections (e.g. friends with benefits, long distance relationships, etc.). Then we get angry when we have to face the consequences of our false liberalism.

(c) Blame, blame, blame for the failure of a relationship but rarely take responsibility – (even if the responsibility is simply making a bad choice or having the wrong timing). Male family members and friends are particularly good at pointing this reality out.

(d) Have a sense of entitlement when things fall apart. I’m sorry but some people treat bad (or unhealthy) relationships like peroxide. They want to let it bubble & fester. I’m more of the pour the alcohol on it – let it burn and MOVE ON type.

What was most disturbing for me was that the young lady asked “Why wasn’t I good enough?” Inherent in the question is a fractured sense of self-worth and therein lies the problem. While Slim may not have wanted to admit it – it may have been her insecurity that turned him off and often those who are the most judgmental are the most insecure…

You CANNOT force a man to be with you!!! You CANNOT will a man to be with you. Men are pretty independent creatures and they do whatever they will including commit.

Now this does not let men completely off the hook because men stretch the truth, make false promises and literally make women fall in love with them in order to be intimate. I’ve been told by several men that they quote “will do anything to have sex with a woman” unquote. So my best piece of advice is to pay attention to his actions and not his words.  If he stops calling, he doesn’t want to talk to you. If he moves all of his stuff out of the crib – he doesn’t want to be with you or live with you anymore. While it is easy to say “I love you,” it is an entirely different thing to show it. While it is easy to say “I want to spend the rest of my life with you” it is an entirely different thing to propose, pick a date and walk down the aisle. While it is easy to say “I care about you” It is an entirely different thing for him to always be accessible including day time hours. If he is only available by text or e-mail you should be concerned!

Ultimately a man’s actions LITERALLY speaks more truth than his words…

Just my 22 cents…

4 Comments

Filed under Love

4 responses to “My Spin on “Why Wasn’t I Good Enough”?

  1. DaShelle

    I’ll take your 22 cents all the way to the bank! Thank you for expounding on the false liberalism. I was struck by that statement & made to realize a few things about a situation I’m living. Change needs to happen quickly & diligently. On point, please keep it coming.

    • Thanks DaShelle! Rarely do I read a blog post and feel the need to write about it on my own site but this one really struck a chord w/ me. Thanks for reading & commenting! I heart comments!

  2. Rolanda W.

    Interesting… I did read both blogs and found Slim’s interpretation very thought provoking. I agree with you that oftentimes asking a person “why wasn’t I good enough” is an issue of self-worth. It is also an exercise in futility at best, a cry for help at worst. To suggest your worth is wrapped up in a man “choosing” you is definitely a problem for many women. However, for a man to suggest that a person is not enough because he did not choose them is insane! Many women simply must understand that a man didn’t choose them because they didn’t. It’s as simply as that. To try to interpret the reason is giving them too much power… as if to say, “if I know why he didn’t choose me, I can change it.” The important part is that that particular man is not for you and that has to be okay. The rest is semantics.

    Cool blog Little Sis! Keep up the good work…

    • Rolanda I totally agree with you! When it comes to other areas of our lives – professional, social etc. we are quick to attribute it to personality clashes but rarely do we do the same in relationships. I also agree that it is giving the man too much power! Thanks for commenting!

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