What Are Your Non-Negotiables… In Love?

We all know what it’s like to shop for a car…  For me, it must be automatic, have a CD player and electric windows & doors. As women, we have to have the same approach in dating and in marriage. What are the non-negotiables, the absolute must have/must do items on your list?

If you are dating, what are you looking for? My top five non-negotiables for me were: (1) creative (2) culturally sensitive to African Americans (3) accepted me for who I was/would grow to be (4) not selfish & (5) good sense of humor… Other things I was willing to compromise on, for example he did not have to have a college degree and he did not have to be child free.

If you are in a long term relationship or if you are married, what are your non-negotiables in your relationship? For me (1) our relationship must be a priority (2) we have to be able to communicate with respect and honor (3) honesty & trust are a must (4) we must be ambitious/goal-oriented together (5) we have to be affectionate and FREQUENTLY express/share our love. When determining your relationship “norms” be sure that it is a mutual/joint effort so that both you and your partner’s needs are met. Also note that your non-negotiables may change over time. For example, now you might need spontaneity in your relationship but at some point stability & consistency may be a necessity. As we grow and change, so do our needs.

So on Valentine’s Day as you express and share your love, think about your non-negotiables. What do you absolutely need to be happy in your romantic relationship(s)?

P.S. The photo is from the Maldive Islands… a place that you must add to your travel list. It is paradise!

2 Comments

Filed under Love

2 responses to “What Are Your Non-Negotiables… In Love?

  1. I think this is pretty interesting my top 5 non-negotiables in my marriage right now are: (1) Family has to be a priority, (2) Open and honest communication is something that needs to happen often, (3) I need encouragement and a push as I work through a “quarter-life crisis”, (4) patience, (5) Trust!!!

    Although I think (1) and (3) are things that are the result of where we are currently in life I think the other 3 are things that have always been what I need. I do think (3) will change as I figure out where I am going in life and I think as my family grows (1) will be more and more of a priority and a non-negotiable for me.

    • Thanks for sharing April! I think that the need for encouragement is always relevant! Lord knows I have my days where that intrinsic motivation lever seems broken. It’s nice to see it all on paper and to have a discussion about it because sometimes our needs and our partner’s needs are different. Again thanks for sharing!

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