2010 has been the year of the “homewrecker…” The label has been tagged to everyone from the anonymous women that Tiger Woods slayed, to R & B sensations like Alicia Keys & Fantasia. I’ve pretty much watched from the sidelines while the comments section of the blogs have torn Alicia Keys, Fantasia and Gabrielle Union to shreds.
SWIZZ with his first wife MASHONDA while she was pregnant with their child.
My best friend & I had a great conversation about homewrecking and we came to the conclusion that:
“No woman can wreck a home that isn’t already broken. A woman can’t take a happy man…”
We talked about the fact that MaShonda won’t stop talking and revealing her private business to the media. We ridiculed her and said she needs to shut the EFF up and raise her children and co-parent with Swizz. You can’t force a man to love you. You can’t force a man to stay in a house with you.
However, we’re both happily involved in long-term relationships and I started to wonder were we being biased? When I got home, I asked my significant other about it and told him the conclusion that we came to about so called homewreckers. He said he disagreed.
PICTURED BELOW: Married Antwan Cook & Fantasia
I told him, now if a woman knowingly becomes involved with a married man or a man that is in a permanent relationship, she is definitely a homewrecker because she continued with the relationship despite knowing the circumstances. But then I said, if a woman doesn’t know, and she falls in love with a man and then finds the truth out later, then she’s not a homewrecker. He disagreed… I crossed my eyes… He said:
“Please! A woman knows when a man is involved or married. He doesn’t have to tell her, but there are lots of signs to show that a man is married or committed. Has he ever taken her to his home? What time of day or night does he call? There are always signs.”
I couldn’t argue with him. Any woman who is involved with a man but only has limited access to him or never gets to visit his home is obviously lying to herself. Even more, I told him what happens when a man says that the relationship is over and he’s getting a divorce or moving on. Divorces take a long time and the relationship is over long before the divorce papers are signed and granted by the judge.
My sweetie said:
“A woman needs to be able to see the actual divorce papers to know that the marriage is over. A man will say or do anything because he wants to have sex with her. Women are too easy…”
I totally agreed. In the case of Swizz, he divorced Mashonda and married Alicia Keys. They are expecting their first child together and they seem happy. In that case, Alicia, who was once the other woman “won” because she has a long-term commitment from this man. He certainly could’ve continued to string her along, and many committed or married men do just that… they string chicks along and replace the when they become too much trouble.
He also talked about how a homewrecker can set up conditions to wreck the home. Whether that is getting pregnant or harassing the wife via phone or e-mail. As he said, if a couple has to pack up and move to another place because of a crazy ex or “sidepiece” and they have to shell out a few thousand dollars the “homewrecker” has wrecked the home. If she gets pregnant then the wife has to deal with this “illegitimate” child…
So I guess I agree with my significant other in many ways. However, my issue is also with the male and not very much attention is spent on that. A homewrecker wouldn’t be able to wreak havoc if she wasn’t invited into the “home” in the first place. Engaging in any way with anyone outside of the relationship when one is committed is an invitation to the destruction and despair that infidelity can cause and while women are crucified for it, men are not (unless of course they are married and have to pay half of their assets or lose respect from the public or others in the case of politicians like John Edwards).
I’ve had personal experience with this. I knowingly dated a guy who lived with another woman and I believed him when he said the relationship was going to be over. They weren’t married (& I certainly would’ve been more reluctant if they were), but I allowed myself to continue to fall. I honestly believed that we were soul mates so I wasn’t very considerate of the woman he was living with. Thankfully for my sake it worked out & we eventually moved in together and committed to each other BUT how often do those situations not work out?
What are your thoughts on homewrecking?