Divorce between regular people is ugly… add cameras and millions of dollars and it gets downright disgusting. Tiger Woods finalized his divorce from Ellen Nordegren this week and it made me think about the marriages and divorces of professional athletes and other celebrities/high profile individuals. I don’t want to get into the debate about whether we hold athletes & public figures to a higher standard, there is no question that we do, but as a woman who has experienced divorce, I understand how love can transform into extreme dislike, how material goods become symbolic ornaments on the fallen tree of a broken relationship and how children become pawns in the never ending quest of mate checking.
While there are certainly perks of being married to a “baller,” (someone who plays professional sports), there are also drawbacks. Pre-Tiger, Ellen was a nanny and “model,” and because of that, the public is quick to throw the “gold-digger” title on her. That is the first drawback of being married to an extremely wealthy man. Many people assume that the relationship is not based on real love, whether that is because (A) the woman is labeled a gold-digger or (B) the man is accused of wanting a “trophy wife.”
Ellen enrolled in school and plans to earn a Master’s Degree in Psychology in order to work with children in broken families.
Mike remarried in June of 2009 and is still married to Lakiha Spicer (the two have a child together and lost a child together). Publicly, he is very appreciative of his wife and has filed bankruptcy.
From the outside looking in, there are many perks to being married to a pro-athlete including: being able to travel, having the money to live a good lifestyle which provides free time for the wife to be able to pursue her own interests.
Steven Ortiz, who has interviewed over 40 pro-athlete wives for his project discussed some of the drawbacks which include:
Rita Ewing (Patrick Ewing’s ex wife) who wrote a novel called Homecourt Advantage said in an interview “the sporting world is conducive to infidelity… the mentality of the teams and the management condone infidelity. There are team rules that prevent wives from traveling on the road…” She goes on to discuss that many teams hold family workshops/classes encouraging the married couples to have “safe sex” and she remembers walking away from one session with a “condom on a keychain,” as a visual reminder to have protected sex with her husband. Several wives also discussed the “public persona” that the husbands have and while they get to know all intimate aspects of their husbands, the public is mostly exposed to “1/100th” of who they are as people.
I have incredible sympathy for Ellen and other professional athlete’s wives because they have to go through the pain and embarrassment of divorce in the public eye. While most women can walk away from a failed relationship, these women are forever “tagged” to their high-profile husbands and the divorce is like an open wound that is constantly exposed. I agree with Rita Ewing, who says the best thing that we can do is “give them the space” to work out their personal problems. Being married to the game has it’s perks, but it also has it drawbacks. While it is “cheaper to keep her” in many cases like Ellen says, “without trust and love” a relationship is doomed to fail.
There are support groups for these women as well including “Behind the Bench: The National Basketball Wives Association” that helps the women cope.