Why Did I Get Married Too? A Reflection…

Originally Posted: April 4, 2010

I used to dislike Tyler Perry. I couldn’t get over the Mammy image and the ignorance that I felt like he was spewing. Although comedic, I just want my people to be portrayed in a more balanced manner. We too can be taken seriously, you know. But after “I Can Do Bad By Myself,” and “Why Did I Get Married” I’ve definitely come around and although I won’t call myself a “fan” I can appreciate his contribution to black entertainment and I look forward to seeing how he will treat one of my favorite pieces “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow was Enuf…”

I went to see Why Did I Get Married Too with my significant other and boy, oh boy, did we have a lot to talk about!


(1)“The stuff that we don’t deal with comes back up eventually.” – Patricia (Janet Jackson)
(2)“Sometimes it’s hard to deal with a good man after you’ve dealt with a bad one.” – Sheila (Jill Scott)
(3)“Sometimes it’s hard to have a good woman after she’s dealt with a bad man.” – Troy (Lamman Rucker)
(4)“I’m in tune with your heartbeat.” – Terry (Tyler Perry)

Stuff to think about:

(1)The Two T’s – Trust & Transparency

One of the characters (Angela – played by Tasha Smith) wanted the password to her husband’s cell phone, who told her “GO2HELL” was the password. She fought for the password the entire movie until eventually she discovered he had a 2nd cell phone. The other characters discussed the importance of “trust” and oddly enough, the one character who had her husband’s cell phone password was having an affair on her husband. We cannot control other people, we can only control ourselves. And what looks one way on the outside cannot be taken at face value because you never know what’s happening behind closed doors.

Another character (Sheila – played by Jill Scott) went to her abusive ex-husband to ask him to help her husband get a job. Not only that, but she went to her ex-husband’s house to help him with his chemotherapy, because he had cancer and did not discuss this with her husband. Transparency is everything in a marriage. She should have discussed both issues with her husband and at least asked for his opinion before (a) asking for help from her ex-husband and (b) going to the home of her ex-husband without her current husband’s knowledge.

(2)Repression. Patricia – played by Janet Jackson held everything in. She was also the Psychologist who had written a book and all of the other characters used her marriage as the barometer of success for their own. You never know what’s happening behind closed doors, and to repress and keep inside one’s emotions results in an eruption. I don’t want to ruin the movie, but I will say this, you have to let all of the stress, insecurity, fear, frustration, etc. out because if you don’t there are consequences.. I also thought it was odd that other characters were taking Patricia’s advice when she had the worst marriage. There is no “magic fix” for relationships and certainly not from someone who appears to have the “perfect” marriage. You and your partner have to chart your own path, and while it’s good to look at positive examples of other couples, there is no such thing as a perfect “guide.”                                  Overall, the movie was phenomenal because it encouraged dialogue about my own relationship. My significant other asked “Do I listen to you?” I thought about whether or not I give him enough space to work through whatever he needs to work through as a man, or if I smother him/go too hard when I want to address conflict. Do I take it too personal when he needs breathing room? It was wonderful to see black love on the the big screen and I know the movie was a huge success because the first thing I did after the movie was over, was grab my sweetheart and squeezed him as tight as I could because although love and relationships aren’t easy, when you have something good, you have to hold on.

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