Originally Posted: March 11, 2010
Divorce is ugly. It brings out the worst in people. I know from experience. Recently Swizz Beatz & DJ Enuff sat down to discuss production but ended up speaking about divorce. Here are some of the comments from Swizz (his comments are in italics):
“[My divorce] is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through, by far.” Divorce is hard, because someone who knows everything about you including your weaknesses now uses it against you. All of the love is transformed into hate. Anything that can be said or done to hurt you, is done and it drains so much of your mental and emotional energy.
“Having the wrong people around, thinking you’re gonna get a TV show off of so called exposing.” I can only imagine the horror of a high profile divorce. Another difficult thing about divorce is dealing w=ith the social aspect of life post divorce. Everyone who sees you wants to know “where’s the hubby,” and you have to politely let them know that the marriage is over. There are those who believe that you should stay in a horrible situation no matter what, and are sure to let you know their sentiments.
“We’ve had that problem for ten years, now cause this person comes in, this is the cause of our ten years.” When people are hurt, they have to find someone to blame period. When you move on, the new person will always be looked as the “reason” why the marriage failed, when in many cases the new person saved your life. People call Alicia Keys a “homewrecker” but that couldn’t be further than the truth. No one can “steal” a man/woman who doesn’t want to be “stolen.” No one can truly “wreck” a happy home. That’s just what I believe.
“You just gotta find the right soulmate.” So many people settle because they are afraid that they won’t find someone else. Because the biological clock is ticking. But when you “settle” you block off the pathway to true happiness and you’ll always be in a situation where you’re thinking about what could’ve been and what could be. That opens up the gate to infidelity.
“I’m fresh out of some ish, she’s fresh out of some ish. You just need somebody that’s compatible with you on all levels. You need a person that’s like your equal” Compatibility is SO important. Love is not enough, (even though it should be one of the things you consider. I’m talking Match.com 150 ++plus areas of compatibility. Similar views about life, religion, work vs. home, money, children, history, politics, etc. The old saying opposites attract is only true when you’re talking about metal, and an “opposite” is a great novelty experience, but it’s only so long before those “opposite” characteristics start to produce friction leading to a dangerous fire.
Overall, I’m glad that Swizz shared his sentiments. Divorce is difficult and it is always nice to hear someone’s perspective.