Originally Posted: March 13, 2010
Remember how simple childhood crushes were? Will you go with me – Yes, No or Maybe? Little Romeo would circle his answer with those super thick pencils or if you were lucky, he’d even use a colored crayon. That all changed once we learned how to color inside the lines…
I too am a card-carrying member of the “don’t put me in a box” generation, which means the only title that I’m comfortable with is the one my job gives me. But I also like structure and things are so much easier to find when they are in their nice labeled packages. You don’t want to be the chick whose asking dude “Where is this going,” because if he’s a commitment-phobe, he’s going to disappear. Not only that, but things are good…right? and sometimes labels are just too simple (or complex) to describe what’s really happening (hence the Facebook “It’s complicated” status).
So what are the signs, that your relationship is moving from the “just kicking it” phase to something more serious?
1.You meet the family, ESPECIALLY momma, big momma or whoever else your guy values most. For most, this is a huge step. This is definitely the case if your guy has a kid (or two) and you meet the children (or even the other parent). When you meet the family, this usually means that your guy genuinely likes your personality (he wouldn’t embarrass himself otherwise) and plans to have you around for longer than a little while. This is even more heightened if you are the only “outsider” there. Disclaimer: I had a cousin who’d bring a different chick around each holiday. He was such a playboy & although the family would be totally polite to “what’s your name again?” we never really engaged in conversation because we all knew that she was just an accessory and his bringing her around us was his way of fooling her into thinking she was important – which would make his ultimate goal of uninhibited sex, easier. This one is tricky! Don’t be fooled!
2.Your guy takes photographs of you & has them printed, on his computer or on his phone AND/OR you take lots of photographs together (with his camera). I’m talking about face shots here! Playboys don’t do anything that might jeopardize their game and photos are evidence! Now if this guy prints pictures of you and has them displayed publicly (unless you’re a celebrity), things could be heating up.
3.He calls you to discuss an emotional crisis. I’ll never forget when one of my best friends received a call from the guy who is now her husband about his grandmother passing. They were just dating, but he broke down in tears and asked her to come over to see him. She ended up going to the funeral with him and she is now his emotional crisis management center – his wife. Guys don’t open up to you unless they trust you.
4.He starts making comparisons to you and other women (especially complimentary comparisons). Every guy always has that one chick that he absolutely adored & for whatever reason it didn’t work out. When he starts saying that you’re a better listener than even she was, or that no one cooks as good as you, you’re slowly floating to the top of his radar. When guys are ready to settle down, they start “comparison shopping.”
5.He wants to be around you all the time & is always accessible. When he can’t get enough of you – literally, he’s learned your work schedule, your sleeping habits and your eating habits, you know that things are getting serious. Sometimes we chicks fool ourselves. Unless a guy works during the day, he should want to spend time with you during the day. If you’re on vampire status and he acts like he’s going to die if he’s at your home (or you’re at his home) when the sun comes up, Houston – you might have a hoe (or YIKES, be being treated like one).
There really is no one way to tell if your relationship is becoming exclusive and if worst comes to worst, you just may have to ask that dreaded question, “WHAT are we doing here?”