Originally posted: March 4, 2010

I was incredibly disturbed by this song, and more specifically, the video. As a teacher, a future mother and a mentor, I believe that it’s time to download a new program. We have to stop the cycle of abuse, the self-degradation and we have to teach young girls that you teach someone how to treat you.

Basically in the song, Nivea (who has a child w/ Wayne, along with several other women including Lauren London) comes to the conclusion that “love hurts.” She discusses all of the ways that the relationship is unhealthy & in the end, she begs for the SAME guy to take her back. She says: “you could have been straight up from the joint with me/from jump street, you knew you didn’t want me.” She continues “your words cut so deep/your actions hurt so badly/I’m emotionally sick from the struggle/from just loving you…” It’s safe to say that the relationship was unhealthy at this point.

But then, it goes from bad to worst when she says, “women always think they can change a man/when changing my mind was a better plan.” In the end she says, “I’m just a girl standing in front of man/asking him to love her again.” The video features intimate shots of Nivea & Wayne while she sings “Love Hurts.” In this case, love hurts because she is intentionally allowing someone to mistreat her/tear her down.

The most precious thing we have besides time is our body – the temple. Many young women are under the impression that they can barter their bodies in order to secure a man/to get commitment. I can discuss countless situations where students that I’ve had get pregnant, and believe that the child will make a man commit. I cannot stress enough, the importance of holding on to that sacred life-giving (and potentially life-destroying) force. Build a relationship based on mutual interests and friendship.

I have to strongly disagree with sis. Love does not hurt and if it does hurt, unfortunately it is not love. Don’t get me wrong, no relationship is perfect, but love evolves, it challenges and it ultimately transforms for the better. It softens the heart – not hardens it. It builds up – not tears down. We have to stop promoting this mental/emotional/spiritual filth. Black women deserve better!

Co-Founder & Executive Director of Donda's House, Inc. Wife to Che "Rhymefest" Smith. Believer. Writer. Scrapbooker. ΣΓΡ.

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