Originally Posted: November 4, 2009
This post was inspired by 50 Cent’s song “Baby By Me.” Basically, the chorus of the song says “Have a Baby By Me Baby/Be A Millionaire…” Now I have all kinds of problems with him suggesting that having a baby equals money, but somewhere in his mind (at least I hope), he is suggesting that he has value and connecting your life with his will bring you wealth. This made me think to myself, “What am I worth?” When you’re in the dating world, before you even put yourself out there (in the market), you have to understand your value, and your value has to be more than what you can offer sexually because good sex comes a dime a dozen. And you better believe that there is a woman out there who does your little “trick” ten times better than you.
In my last relationship, my ex & I had this huge argument when the breakup went down and the last thing I said was, “You’ll NEVER find another one like me baby. NEVER!!!!” The funny thing is, my ex couldn’t even argue with me. His only response was “How immature!” At the end of the day, I brought so much to the table and even he knew that he was losing a good thing. So literally, ask yourself, what do you have to bring to the table, and you should be asking the same question of anyone who wants to date you.
When I started to make my list I noted the following: I’m creative, optimistic (even in the midst of despair), great listener, considerate & giving, intelligent (w/ the education to back it up), hold great conversation, down to earth, can get along with anyone, supportive, nurturing (I’ll pretty much do anything for my man) and the list went on & on. This assessment of my value gave me the confidence and security that I needed to realize that not only was I independent but that any man that came into my life would be lucky to have me. No longer did i have to deal with losers, and a guy who matched my drive, intelligence & goals came waltzing in to my life. Before that happened, I had to stop devaluing myself & matching myself up with guys who only brought 1/3 of what I was bringing.
I’ll tell you one thing, I know that for ALL of exes (and we’re talking single digits here, I don’t get down like that), whenever I (or my friends) run into them later they always regret leaving or they talk about how their current girl could never measure up. Most of them try to get back with me and never on just some sexual/booty call stuff, they genuinely want to “start over,” and it ends up with “you were the best girlfriend I’ve ever had.” I usually gracefully decline and in my mind sing “don’t you wish your girlfriend could [cook, talk, laugh, listen, etc.) like me?”
So assess your value, whether you’re in a relationship or not. I’ve even remixed Curtis’ song, and I say “Spend some time w/ me baby & you’ll be a billionaire/be a billionaire/ be a, be a billionaire.” Ladies, it’s time we all assess our worth, BEFORE we allow men to assign what they think we’re worth. If you allow someone else to assign you value, you better believe that it will be significantly lower than your true worth.