What I Know About Marriage: Part 3

Originally Posted: February 10, 2010

10.Same sex friendships are a must and regular time with the girls/boys is healthy. You and your spouse must maintain the friendships that you had before and at least once per month, you should get together with your friends. One of the reasons why marriages fall apart is because people lose a sense of their own individuality and “rebel” during the marriage to “recover” their old selves. Unfortunately during the “recovery” process, they totally murder their spouse/the relationship.

11.The sex will change, eventually. I have NEVER met a married couple in which the sexual/intimacy aspect of the marriage did not change. For the most part it changes for the worst, but you & your partner can make it change for the better. The thing that affects most marriage is the FREQUENCY of intimacy. You go from every day, or every other day to once per week, to once per month. Sometimes the quality also changes, but that is where you and your spouse have to invent ways to keep it interesting. Role play, vacations/exotic locations, etc. (I will dedicate an entire post to this one day!)

12.Consider the worst that could happen before you say “I Do.” My motto in life is to be prepared. If you prepare yourself for the worst (think Murphy’s law), you will be better equipped emotionally, financially, etc. to deal with the crisis. Think of it like a fire drill! You’re less likely to panic. What happens if someone gets a terminal illness or has a life-altering injury (loses a limb or their physical appearance is badly altered). Individually, in the back of your mind, consider what happens if your partner cheats on you (or you cheat)? Your partner decides he/she wants to leave you. What happens if someone dies (be sure you have the practical things like life insurance taken care of for example). Would you still love your partner if he/she was in a wheel chair, lost all of their hair due to chemo? This is something that you MUST discuss to determine if marriage is the right thing to do in the first place. Anything can happen

13.Find some time to spend with each other ALONE everyday. Even if your partner has to travel for work and your alone time is a 15 minute conversation on the phone or a series of texts. Healthy relationships are not effortless, they take time and energy. Decide that each morning when you wake up, you’re going to lay in bed for 15 – 20 minutes to cuddle. Perhaps you turn off the TV during dinner to focus on each other. If you miss out on too much alone time, neglect starts to happen. Neglect is horrible for a relationship b/c then your spouse will start to seek (or may even receive without seeking) attention elsewhere.

14. If something is bothering you, do not let too much time pass by before you address it. The human mind is a powerful tool. Sometimes the worst thing you can do is spend time alone in your thoughts, withdrawn from your partner. A conversation is all that is necessary to address a misunderstanding or to allow your spouse the opportunity to reassure you or give you the reality check that you need. If something is bothering you, do not allow it to fester. Address it right away.

15.Try to find other (happily) married couples to hang out with. Birds of a feather right? A network of happily married couples beats a network of wild, single, Waiting to Exhale/I change chicks like I change draws types. Now I’m not saying that you and your spouse shouldn’t have single friends, but the last thing you want is for your spouse to be hanging out with the chick/dude who said marriage was the worst thing on earth in the first place & would’ve gladly stood up during the “you shouldn’t get married” part of the ceremony were it not for the evil death stare of your maid of honor/best man.

Check out What I Know About Marriage Part 2: https://donnienicole.wordpress.com/2010/04/22/what-i-know-about-marriage-part-2/

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