What I Know About Marriage: Part 1

Originally Posted: January 18, 2010

I was married for 5 years and got divorced (officially) in August of last year, though we’d lost our connection after the 3rd year, and we didn’t get married under the best circumstances. I said yes because he asked, but not because I was madly/passionately in love with him. In fact, he was not the man that I had loved the most. Originally, I wasn’t going to talk about divorce & my failed marriage but then why not, it is a part of my love journey, and it is the reason why I have such strong feelings about love/commitment & marriage. So here is the first post, and I wanted to share what I know about marriage.

  1. Marriage is not for the young. When you’re young, you’re generally self-centered and selfish. Furthermore, you have so much growing & changing to do that you might grow & change away from your partner. There is nothing wrong with dating (for a long time) before tying the night.
  2. Do not have kids right away. And don’t let children or pregnancy be the reason why you get married! This was the best decision that I made. Parenting is serious business, as is marriage. One of the best decisions that I made was to avoid pregnancy (even after being married). The marriage would’ve been horrible if children were involved and I’d have to deal with this man (whom I have incredible disdain for) forever.
  3. Treat your partner like you’re still dating. Whatever you do to “get” your partner, you have to continue to do those things to keep him/her. Cuddle, exchange gifts, hold hands. Act as if your partner could leave at any moment, and like you are trying to compete with others. Treat your relationship like you could lose it at any time.
  4. Keep people OUT of your business! Especially those people who don’t know both you and your partner well. This is especially true for family and friends. If you are going to get advice/guidance, seek it from people who have healthy relationship or get professional counseling – where the counselor is neutral and can listen & advise without bias.

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