Originally Posted: February 5, 2010
“My eyes are green/cause I eats a lot of vegetables/it don’t have nothing to do with your new friend…I’m insecure/but I can’t help it.” – E. Badu
According to my horoscope (I’m an Aquarius) I’m supposed to be a commitment phobe & emotionally distant. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. Hell, my heart is not on my sleeve, but it’s “written all over my face.” For the first time in my life, I’m experiencing the green-eyed monster of jealousy & because I’m so “in-tune” with my feelings, I asked myself, where is this coming from? What is it about men and women that makes us desire exclusivity? Interesting question right? So I continued down that train of thought. What is it so painful to imagine your significant other physically or emotionally involved with someone else? Is the desire for exclusivity biological or are we socialized into the behavior?
I have to do some research on the biological part, but I do believe that we are socialized into the behavior (especially women who are taught very early about “Prince Charming” and waiting to be saved or rescued). For me, whenever a guy that I loved cheated on me, it felt like rejection and it felt like being left behind. Rejection in a sense of what I had to offer wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t interesting, freaky or curvaceous enough. So the jealousy was just a manifestation of fear. The fear of losing someone/something that I loved/enjoyed/became accustomed to. Rather than addressing the insecurity or the fear, the jealousy was the “puss” that seeped out from a horrible internal sore.
So then I started thinking, “Are humans limiting ourselves when we commit to one person? Could we be blocking growth and necessary interactions/connections that could help us (and our partner’s) fulfill our purpose or mission? = Two folks from Twitter (@DaughterofPriam/@DatNUPE) said “Biologically yes, emotionally no.) I could agree with that. One purpose that we have is to “be fruitful & multiply.” But we also have another unique purpose/mission. Which lead me to the end of the train of thought (at least for now) We were not put on earth to be significant others, we were put here for a specific purpose. The point of relationships is to have apartner to assist in reaching one’s life mission/purpose. Could the relationship itself ever be a person’s life mission/purpose? Seems a bit limited, but perhaps there are people whose relationship IS their life’s mission – to be an example to others, to raise healthy children, etc.
I do know, that both parties have to be spiritually in tune in order to ensure that the relationship itself doesn’t become a distraction from God’s mission/purpose for their lives & jealousy & fear are essentially distractions. Distractions from what is really happening under the surface. To be continued…