Originally Posted: February 27, 2010

“Still play my part and let you take the lead role, believe me.” – Beyonce

There are just some things that need to happen in order for a man to be happy. I’ve had the pleasure of dealing with lots of men in academic, personal and professional settings and ladies let me tell you – a man, is a man, is a man. Here are five things to think about to make sure you are not castrating the men in your life.

  1. You can do it, HE can help (No need to call Home Depot. We’re talking about physical strength, emotional strength and being the King of the jungle. Honey, we know that you can hook up that new stereo system (they color code the cords for us now), and put together that 1,000 piece Jigsaw puzzle that Ikea calls furniture, but you can step aside and invite a man to do it. Save yourself the stress!
  2. When he’s in the driver’s seat, let him drive. When you’re in the passenger seat, just let him drive. Especially if he insists that he knows where he’s going. Now if your sweetie is a little directionally challenged, look up the instructions AT HOME and let him know that you’re going to “help” him navigate. Take this literally or figuratively, but when he’s in the driver’s seat, allow him to do the driving.
  3. The only tally marks that men like to hear about are the ones in a court or on the field. When you have a conflict, please address the issue on the table. He does not want to hear that this is the 15th time that you’ve asked him to take out the trash, or even with a more serious issue, after you address it & pardon him, LET IT GO, or at least don’t throw it in his face every change you get. Most of the couples who keep these kind of tally marks fight & bicker all the time.
  4. He wanted you because you were a woman. I’m the perfect blend of LL’s “Around the Way Girl” meets TLC’s “Crazy Sexy Cool.” Mostly functioning in the “cool.” I don’t wear makeup unless I’m going “out” (just lip gloss), I prefer wearing flats & kitten heals (I stand on my feet for 6 hours a day and run up and down 3 flights of concrete stairs all day) and I like to listen to my music very loud (in my car & my headphones). BUT my favorite color is pink, I like my nails manicured (nude tones only), toes pedicured (french or big toe “ghetto”) and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE bags and purses. Despite my “coolness” and my modesty, my boyfriend always says “you’re a REAL woman” and he describes how he loves the “girly” things I do, but I don’t overdue it.
  5. As hard as it is, speak in concrete terms. Guys want to know the who, what, when, where, why, & how. What do you want him to do specifically (no monologues about what he won’t do), why are you feeling a way (no passive aggressiveness, slamming dishes and doors) and when do you want/need something done. The more concrete the better. If you talk in abstract, nebulous terms – whatever you hope to communicate will be left in the air for his interpretation/translation – which may be way off the mark and further complicate the situation.

Co-Founder & Executive Director of Donda's House, Inc. Wife to Che "Rhymefest" Smith. Believer. Writer. Scrapbooker. ΣΓΡ.

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