I will always credit my husband Che, with both saving and changing my life at the same time. When I first met Che, I was deep in an emotionally abusive relationship. For whatever reason in my mind I had normalized the trauma. Even convinced myself that I deserved the ill treatment. One day, I was going to confide in my new friend Che about yet another argument… I was going to complain about how hopeless I felt… about how I had recommending counseling and therapy… about how marriage is so hard, and he interrupted me mid complaint and said:
“Honestly, if you’re not going to do anything about your situation, I don’t really want to hear about that aspect of your life…”
At first I felt angry and defensive. How dare he? But then he kept going, “I’ve come across so many people who have so many issues whether its family relationships, friendships, their body, and frankly, I just don’t want to hear about it unless you decide to do something about it.” Little did I know then, that he would eventually become my husband! We’ve always had this amazing ability to not only be supportive but to say what needs to be said, and to give each other a (figurative) kick in the pants. We make each other better and it has always been that way from the very beginning. Not only did I decide to leave that abusive relationship… I also decided to do more acting than complaining:
- We were unhappy about the way our community was being ran, so we decided to run for City Council.
- I felt like there wasn’t enough information out there for women of color dealing with fertility issues, so I decided to pitch a column to Black & Married With Kids dealing with just that subject.
- We were tired of our cramped condo and not too stellar neighborhood, so we decided to move into a house.
- We came up with this great idea during the campaign about using the arts to connect to Chicago youth and help them overcome their obstacles and achieve their goals… we lost the campaign (by a mere 200 votes) but decided to implement the idea… today we call it Donda’s House.
- There was a person who was very close to me who kept being super negative and caused a ton of (unnecessary) drama… I decided to stop answering the phone calls and the texts and deal with that person from a distance.
I could go on and on. That moment in January of 2009, when Che told me those things, I knew that it was truth because after I got over my initial emotional reaction, I realized that he was telling the truth. So today… I ask you… what are those things you keep complaining about? Either think about them or make a list of them… Give yourself 15 – 20 minutes to just rant and rave and then… even if it is just one small little action… write down what you are going to do to change that thing you’re complaining about.
Feel free to share in the comments section, what you’ve been complaining about and what you’re planning to do to try to overcome it! The change may not happen over night, but if you take small steps you will see the change eventually!